HSX Forum

Movies

Next Installment In Delta House's '"This Movie Is So Bad Only An Omega Could Make, Finance, Or Want To See It" --Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Posted by: DTXbro (a.k.a SenJohnBlutarsky) on Jun 17, 13:41

Delta House warned long before Rock of Ages bombed that the movie was putrid to the heart of its (lack of) soul. The existence of that movie is, and the development and financing of it were, inexplicable.

Next along that path of pathetic premise is Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter.  If Saturday Night offered a parody based on this movie's concept, sensible viewers would waver between 'that's a great ridicule of the worst of Hollywood' and 'that didn't work because the material is too far-fetched, and comedy must rely on an underlying kernel of truth.'

ALVH is a movie conceived by morons, financed by imbeciles, produced by idiots, and eagerly awaited solely by those lacking functioning synapses.  That this thing once traded above H$120 is enough to cause the Deltas to question whether our entire universe is a tiny part not of a giant fingernail but instead of a huge pile of Kardashian feces.

None of this means it is impossible that this film will be worthwhile, or financially successful, but the likelihood that it will be anything other than a comprehensive, intense failure appears to resemble the likelihood that I will be eaten by crocodiles carrying alligator purses before I finish this sentence.

Period.

Next Installment In Delta House's '"This Movie Is So Bad Only An Omega Could Make, Finance, Or Want To See It" --Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter DTXbro Jun 17, 13:41

oh come on, it could be the greatest comedy of the year. I laugh just thinking about it. {nm} jwammo Jun 17, 13:52

I shorted it at $121.11, whether it's a good movie or not, a $45m opening was just never happening. {nm} austpow Jun 17, 14:26

This seems so harsh, considering that it's source material is a NY Times bestseller thats gotten 'decent', if not perfect, reviews {nm} whitewalls Jun 17, 14:32

Hmm, a movie that flopped based on a popular book? Can we say, "Dune"? (Though I personally liked it.) {nm} elchan Jun 17, 15:40

I didn't say it wasn't going to flop (it is). I just think that assuming there isn't a market for it at all, or that it was cooked up... whitewalls Jun 17, 16:27

I think Delta House is trying to be funny, and that usually involves taking on extreme opinions. ;-) I found the post quite amusing. {nm} elchan Jun 17, 18:14

There was some effort to leaven the despair with humor, but the criticisms of the makers, movies, and audience are sincere.{nm} DTXbro Jun 17, 19:15

Of course, I didn't mean that I found the analysis funny, just the way it was told. ;-) {nm} elchan Jun 18, 08:32

You know...I like some Lynch...Wild At Heart is in my top ten favorite films...but his Dune adaptation was appalling. Of course, since I can Catzan Jun 17, 19:30

Speaking from the perspective to only read the series of books after the movie, I must say that I found the movie quite good. elchan Jun 18, 07:51

What were the posts about Blair Witch Project like? I agree that Abe:VH isn't any logical premise, but there's always that fringe chance... {nm} arf Jun 17, 22:00





Post a Reply

To post to the forums you must first login!


Warfare (WARFR) 29999 35.27 (-0.03)          The Movie Critic (TMOVC) 150000 41.87 (-0.20)          The Friend (FREND) 30000 6.86 (-0.06)          The Friend (FREND) 99999 6.86 (-0.06)          Dracula - A Love Tale (DRALT) 100000 19.25 (+0.30)          The SpongeBob Movie 4: Search fo (SPBO4) 10000 62.02 (+0.05)          Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy (BJON4) 150000 9.09 (+0.19)          Sight (SIGHT) 65000 8.18 (+0.10)          Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy (BJON4) 150000 9.09 (+0.19)          Blue Lock The Movie - Episode Na (BLULK) 150000 15.26 (+0.26)          Blue Lock The Movie - Episode Na (BLULK) 150000 15.26 (+0.26)          Save the Green Planet (STGPL) 60000 18.47 (+0.29)          Spy x Family Code: White (SPYFM) 60000 21.31 (+0.29)          Young Woman and the Sea (YWATS) 50000 17.53 (+0.36)          The Monkey (MONKY) 50000 20.71 (-0.41)          Maria (MARIA) 50000 12.86 (+0.42)          The Dead Don't Hurt (TDDH) 150000 2.30 (-0.01)          The Monkey (MONKY) 50000 20.71 (-0.41)          Maria (MARIA) 90000 12.86 (+0.42)          Maria (MARIA) 150000 12.86 (+0.42)          In a Violent Nature (IAVNT) 150000 3.63 (+0.35)          The Monkey (MONKY) 50000 20.71 (-0.41)          Maria (MARIA) 150000 12.86 (+0.42)          A Life of Jesus (ALJES) 80000 19.87 (+0.18)          In a Violent Nature (IAVNT) 150000 3.63 (+0.35)          The Monkey (MONKY) 50000 20.71 (-0.41)          Ezra (INAPB) 150000 6.43 (-0.04)          In a Violent Nature (IAVNT) 150000 3.63 (+0.35)          Save the Green Planet (STGPL) 150000 18.47 (+0.29)          A Life of Jesus (ALJES) 79999 19.87 (+0.18)          Save the Green Planet (STGPL) 150000 18.47 (+0.29)          Haikyu!! The Dumpster Battle (HAIKY) 150000 13.52 (-0.01)          The Monkey (MONKY) 50000 20.71 (-0.41)          One Punch Man (1PMAN) 80000 19.22 (+0.18)          Spy x Family Code: White (SPYFM) 150000 21.31 (+0.29)          The Monkey (MONKY) 50000 20.71 (-0.41)          One Punch Man (1PMAN) 100000 19.22 (+0.18)          Young Woman and the Sea (YWATS) 150000 17.53 (+0.36)          Young Woman and the Sea (YWATS) 150000 17.53 (+0.36)          Spy x Family Code: White (SPYFM) 150000 21.31 (+0.29)          Young Woman and the Sea (YWATS) 150000 17.53 (+0.36)          The Movie Critic (TMOVC) 95000 41.87 (-0.20)          Spider-Man Untitled (SPID9) 6000 311.08 (+0.25)          Hit Man (HTMAN) 150000 2.07 (-0.02)          Maria (MARIA) 150000 12.86 (+0.42)          Maria (MARIA) 150000 12.86 (+0.42)          The Monkey (MONKY) 150000 20.71 (-0.41)          Babes (BABS) 150000 3.54 (-0.04)          In a Violent Nature (IAVNT) 150000 3.63 (+0.35)          The Monkey (MONKY) 150000 20.71 (-0.41)