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Next Installment In Delta House's '"This Movie Is So Bad Only An Omega Could Make, Finance, Or Want To See It" --Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter

Posted by: DTXbro (a.k.a SenJohnBlutarsky) on Jun 17, 13:41

Delta House warned long before Rock of Ages bombed that the movie was putrid to the heart of its (lack of) soul. The existence of that movie is, and the development and financing of it were, inexplicable.

Next along that path of pathetic premise is Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter.  If Saturday Night offered a parody based on this movie's concept, sensible viewers would waver between 'that's a great ridicule of the worst of Hollywood' and 'that didn't work because the material is too far-fetched, and comedy must rely on an underlying kernel of truth.'

ALVH is a movie conceived by morons, financed by imbeciles, produced by idiots, and eagerly awaited solely by those lacking functioning synapses.  That this thing once traded above H$120 is enough to cause the Deltas to question whether our entire universe is a tiny part not of a giant fingernail but instead of a huge pile of Kardashian feces.

None of this means it is impossible that this film will be worthwhile, or financially successful, but the likelihood that it will be anything other than a comprehensive, intense failure appears to resemble the likelihood that I will be eaten by crocodiles carrying alligator purses before I finish this sentence.

Period.

Next Installment In Delta House's '"This Movie Is So Bad Only An Omega Could Make, Finance, Or Want To See It" --Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter DTXbro Jun 17, 13:41

oh come on, it could be the greatest comedy of the year. I laugh just thinking about it. {nm} jwammo Jun 17, 13:52

I shorted it at $121.11, whether it's a good movie or not, a $45m opening was just never happening. {nm} austpow Jun 17, 14:26

This seems so harsh, considering that it's source material is a NY Times bestseller thats gotten 'decent', if not perfect, reviews {nm} whitewalls Jun 17, 14:32

Hmm, a movie that flopped based on a popular book? Can we say, "Dune"? (Though I personally liked it.) {nm} elchan Jun 17, 15:40

I didn't say it wasn't going to flop (it is). I just think that assuming there isn't a market for it at all, or that it was cooked up... whitewalls Jun 17, 16:27

I think Delta House is trying to be funny, and that usually involves taking on extreme opinions. ;-) I found the post quite amusing. {nm} elchan Jun 17, 18:14

There was some effort to leaven the despair with humor, but the criticisms of the makers, movies, and audience are sincere.{nm} DTXbro Jun 17, 19:15

Of course, I didn't mean that I found the analysis funny, just the way it was told. ;-) {nm} elchan Jun 18, 08:32

You know...I like some Lynch...Wild At Heart is in my top ten favorite films...but his Dune adaptation was appalling. Of course, since I can Catzan Jun 17, 19:30

Speaking from the perspective to only read the series of books after the movie, I must say that I found the movie quite good. elchan Jun 18, 07:51

What were the posts about Blair Witch Project like? I agree that Abe:VH isn't any logical premise, but there's always that fringe chance... {nm} arf Jun 17, 22:00





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