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I finally watched Sharknado, see inside....

Posted by: DTravel on Jul 18, 19:20

Some thoughts and comments as I watch my recorded copy of SHARKNADO!!!  An Asylum movie starring Tara Reed.  I hope I survive the next two hours.

We start with dozens eaten, in three inches of water.

Sharks flying in the window!  Sharks on the pier being beaten with bar stools!  Idiot getting run over by runaway ferris wheel!

Sharks swimming in the streets.  Whee.

"Captain Nibbles!  I won nothing!"  Oh, wait, that's a commercial.

If you thought traffic on the 405 was bad, wait till you add sharks to it!  And barfly goes back to the car to get his anti-shark bar stool but that's not enough when a wave a sharks drops on his head.

Okay, hero thinks sharks are going to use the storm drains to eat all of southern CA.  So he's going to surf his jeep up the highway.  I'm beginning to hope the sharks eat me.

"There are sharks swimming in the streets.  Now they're in your pool."
Douche ex-wife's new boyfriend: "Sharks in my pool?"
Douche ex-wife's new boyfriend goes to window and promptly gets eaten as a shark flys in thru the window.

Gotta love how 30 foot Great White Sharks somehow fit inside 15 foot square living rooms.

"Storm's dieing down."
"How can you tell?"
"Not as many sharks flying around."

Okay, why is idiot #2 pulling kids up on the rope by hand?  He's got a working truck!  Tie one end to the bumper and back up!  Moron.  Oh goodie!  A shark is eating its way up the rope towards our hero!  Who can climb faster, the hero or the shark?  Well, since we're only half-way thru this it has to be the Hero.

And bus driver gets smooshed by the Hollywood sign as a tornado rips it off the hill.  Such a surprise.  Not.

Shark eats its way thru the roof of their jeep, so jeep blows up.  I can't even begin to comment on that.

And I love how all the background traffic is just tootling along like nothing is happening.

Of course you can get away from the cops by hitting the nitrious oxide button on your rented Hummer!

Okay, this might be the most intelligent exchange in the whole movie.
"Why is there a retirement home right next to an airport?"
"Because old people can't hear?"

Well OF COURSE you want to arm yourself with chainsaws in an apocalyptic shark attack!

Bomb a tornado.  Sure, why not?

Okay, you've somehow taken out two tornadoes with a helicopter (losing the girl who was the only one smart enough to use a gun in the process) so how are you going to take out the third and largest one?  With your nitrous oxide Hummer of course!

Now to end your ... movie, you push your daughter out of the way so you can leap down the throat of a Great White with a chainsaw, carve your way out and then!  And Then!  Reach back in and pull out the girl who fell out of the helicopter and got eaten by an airborne shark!!!

My head hurts, my brain hurts and I'm suffering phantom pain from my missing IQ.





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